“I like the life I have now. It’s a beautiful one, a gift.”
Andy Spears spent much of 2020 trying to stop drinking.
He went to treatment, attended some recovery meetings, relapsed, and kept
trying to figure things out on his own.
Eventually, asking for help in sobriety became the turning
point.
Today, Andy is a writer living in Nashville, Tennessee. He writes about his
experience with alcohol and his alcohol-free life on Medium.
When and How Did You Get Sober?
The first time I went to a recovery meeting was in early July 2020.
It was around lunchtime when I realized I was drunk again.
In the middle of the day.
At the office.
I had accomplished very little that day besides getting myself there.
So I called a friend who had been sober for many years.
He told me about a nearby 12-step meeting. It was close enough to walk to,
and they were still meeting in person despite COVID.
I arrived about five minutes after the meeting started.
Then I took a picture of the church basement door and walked back to my
office.
I made some coffee, rested, and eventually went home.
By early August, I was pretending to attend meetings while actually going to
an outpatient treatment program.
But I was still drinking and convincing myself that I was getting away with
it.
Eventually, I got caught.
I agreed to enter a 30-day inpatient treatment program.
Nine days after leaving treatment, I drank again.
Then I was asked to leave my house.
For a while, I lived in a hotel. I drank off and on and occasionally went to
recovery meetings.
After 60 sober days, I was invited back home.
Then, on a Tuesday, with nearly 100 alcohol-free days behind me, I drank
again.
It was 9:30 in the morning.
By 1 p.m., I was in bed “resting.”
When I woke up, I took the bottle and poured what remained down the drain.
Then I called someone from a recovery phone list.
He suggested that I rest, attend a meeting the following morning, and call
him again after I found a sponsor.
This time, I followed the advice.
I went to the morning meeting, waited until the end, and asked a man if he
would help me.
He agreed.
That was January 2021.
I have been on an alcohol-free path ever since.
What Was the Turning Point in Your Decision to Get Sober?
The turning point was that seemingly random Tuesday in January 2021.
Almost exactly one year earlier, I had admitted that I had a problem and
agreed to see a therapist who specialized in addiction.
He gave me several suggestions.
I did not want to follow any of them.
So I didn’t.
The year 2020 became especially difficult because I knew I had a problem, but
I could not seem to stop drinking or stay stopped.
I was trying to figure everything out alone.
Eventually, I figured out one important thing:
I could not do it alone.
When I found myself in bed again in the middle of the day, I had finally had
enough.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
So I gave up trying to control everything myself and asked for help.
Interestingly, many of the things that therapist had suggested a year earlier
were exactly the things I was finally willing to try.
Why Asking for Help in Sobriety Made a Difference
Looking back, asking for help changed the direction of my recovery.
Before that, I kept trying to prove that I could solve the problem on my own.
Treatment had helped. Meetings had helped. Therapy had helped.
But I had not fully committed to accepting help from other people.
That January morning was different.
I went to the meeting.
I stayed until the end.
Then I asked someone directly to help me.
For me, that willingness mattered.
What Surprised You About Getting Sober?
The clarity surprised me most.
It went far beyond anything I remembered experiencing before I started
drinking.
After some time, the fog began to lift.
Then life kept getting clearer.
Around nine months into sobriety, I started to feel light and free.
I felt better than I could remember feeling in years.
Life still has its ups and downs, of course.
However, I generally feel calm, confident, and less afraid.
The clarity has continued to sharpen.
I did not expect to enter my 50s feeling mentally sharper than I had since my
20s.
What Has Been the Biggest Challenge in Sobriety?
Interestingly, my greatest challenge has been the same clarity that I value so
much.
I can now look back at events from my past differently.
I see the effect my behavior had on me and on other people.
Those memories can hurt.
Sometimes I wish I could erase those moments, but I cannot.
I also know that drinking could give me temporary relief from those feelings.
At the same time, it would probably create even more pain.
So now I try to let myself feel those memories and allow the discomfort to
pass.
Sometimes I take a walk.
Other times, I find somewhere quiet and give myself space.
Those coping mechanisms are much healthier for me than drinking large
quantities of alcohol.
What Are the Biggest Gifts of Sobriety?
One of the biggest gifts is being fully present.
When something happens, I can stay calm enough to pause, assess what is going
on, and decide what to do next.
That ability has changed the way I experience everyday life.
I like the life I have now.
It is a beautiful life and a gift.
Every morning, I wake up grateful to be here.
I am also thankful for another opportunity to be useful and of service.
What Advice Would You Give Someone Considering Sobriety?
Keep going.
My sobriety journey was not a straight line.
I spent a long, difficult year trying to figure things out.
Some days, I still feel like I am figuring things out.
The difference is that I am not drinking now.
There are many ways to get help.
Ask for it.
And if the first thing you try does not feel right, keep looking.
One meeting, therapist, treatment program, recovery community, or approach may
not be the right fit for everyone.
Keep asking.
Keep seeking.
Find the path that helps you continue moving forward.
What Helped You Ask for Support?
Recovery does not always begin with getting everything right.
Sometimes it begins with becoming willing to ask someone else for help.
What kind of support made a difference in your alcohol-free journey?
About Andy Spears
Andy Spears is a writer living in Nashville, Tennessee.
He writes about his experiences with alcohol, sobriety, and life without
drinking on Medium.
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