This series shares personal stories about addiction recovery, sobriety, and alcohol-free living. In this edition, Hannah Winokur reflects on quitting alcohol, facing difficult emotions, and learning to take an active role in her own life.
Hannah lives in Southern California and spends as much time outdoors as possible with her dog, Cuba. She is also training for a 50-mile race near Mount Hood, Oregon, this August. Alongside her training, she is pursuing her dream of writing more often and more openly.
You can follow Hannah’s work through her newsletter, Heal Baby, Heal.
When and How Did You Get Sober?
I got sober on October 1, 2019. It took sheer will and genuine fear about how I was living. I had also become emotionally unkempt.
The months leading up to that decision were hard and heavy. Around that time, I heard people talking about “Sober October.”
Codependent friendships and situations are a major part of my story. When I considered getting sober, I knew it would be painful to tell the people in my life that I no longer wanted to drink.
“Sober October” seemed like a brilliant way to create space. It also bought me time until I had the emotional capacity to untangle myself from my friend group.
That may sound ridiculous. However, it shows how insecure and unequipped I was when it came to emotions and relationships.
I white-knuckled sobriety for a little over a year. It was grueling. Eventually, I surrendered to the 12-step world, and that changed everything for me.
I learned how to communicate, lower my guard, and connect with people sincerely. Before that, I had strongly resisted this kind of support.
Looking back, being new to AA and opening myself to the experience was one of the most sacred chapters of my life.
What Was the Turning Point in Your Decision to Get Sober?
It was the classic moment of sitting on the edge of my bed and saying, “Holy hell, I don’t like anything about myself or my life. I have no idea who I am or why I am doing these things.”
I felt minuscule in my own life. I also felt like a complete and total victim.
Everything, and I mean everything, hurt all the time.
I had no connection to myself or the world around me. Instead, I was running on autopilot and reacting to old wounds.
In that moment, something inside me cracked open. For a brief time, I could see through my lies and excuses.
I knew, with every part of me, that I had to quit drinking.
What Surprised You Most About Getting Sober?
The grayscale does not last forever.
I had tried getting sober before. However, I struggled with the lack of depth and connection I felt. I was convinced that sobriety was dull.
The sober people I met earlier in life seemed to carry an ache that I could not stomach. Thankfully, during the year I finally quit drinking, I met some wild and funny people who had several years of sobriety.
Meeting them changed what I believed sobriety could be.
We never truly know what twists and turns life will take. Still, I had convinced myself that I knew exactly how sobriety would look and feel.
I could not imagine that it might be joyful or freeing.
But it is absolutely both of those things, and so much more.
What Has Been Your Biggest Challenge in Sobriety?
My biggest challenge has been facing difficult emotions. I have also had conversations that I once planned to take to the grave.
While drinking, I avoided my emotional world. I built many friendships and habits around convenience and dishonesty.
I genuinely did not know that I was allowed to take an active role in my own life. Alcoholism stole that from me.
For the first couple of years, rebuilding my life and practicing honesty felt impossible. I also had to understand that I could no longer sit in the back seat of my own life.
Now, taking control of my life is one of the greatest gifts of sobriety.
I get to chase my damn dreams. For a long time, I did not believe that was even an option for me.
What Are the Greatest Benefits of Sobriety?
Honestly, many of them are reflected in my previous answer.
Sobriety has given me sincerity and the ability to feel things fully. It allows me to experience life as it is. I no longer have to view everything through my wounds, coping mechanisms, and fears.
I am on this planet to live as myself and experience the path in front of me.
I will not let alcohol or fear take that away from me.
What Advice Would You Give Someone Considering Sobriety?
Getting sober sucks. Staying sober is fucking awesome.
Find people who are living full and meaningful lives without alcohol. Do not listen to anyone who tells you that sobriety makes life duller.
Remember this: if alcohol actually fixed anything, you would be somewhere else by now.
A Life Lived Fully
Hannah’s sobriety story shows that recovery is not only about removing alcohol. It is also about rebuilding your relationship with yourself, communicating honestly, and giving yourself permission to pursue the life you want.
Early sobriety may feel colorless, uncomfortable, or isolating. With time, support, and openness, however, it can lead to connection, freedom, and genuine joy.
For more personal experiences like Hannah’s, explore our sobriety and recovery stories.
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