Learning to Be Seen in Sobriety

Creating a vision board for the life you’re ready to live

Growing up in a family of six children with a narcissistic mother/stepmother required that everyone play a role in her central story. As the bridge between sets of siblings, I was the physical and emotional connector. As such, my body and emotions were never my own because they would get sucked up into the varying storm systems that regularly swept through my childhood home. As the bridge, I learned to silence my own needs and allow myself to be walked on. That was the only way I knew how to be in relationship—and to survive.

As I grew older, alcohol replaced fantasy novels and sugar as friends I could count on to make my situation a little less painful, yet I habitually related to others in the same manner. I played whatever role others needed, until inevitably, under the influence of alcohol, the unsafe child in me would melt down and seek escape. I gave up on the idea of having go-to people in my life—people who would love me just for me, not for the role I played in validating whatever it was they needed validated or doing whatever it was they needed done.

Alcohol, much like a narcissistic parent or partner, kept me confined to role-playing, living in fear that even the crumbs of connection I was getting would be taken away if I dared to express myself—or worse, be myself. Although alcohol couldn’t prevent me from blowing up my marriage in an attempt to be rescued from unhappiness (I still didn’t understand that the source of unhappiness was internal), I played other roles just as dutifully as I always had. I routinely bailed out family and friends, both financially and emotionally. I drove my mother everywhere she needed to go, took her on vacations with me, and listened to her litany of complaints and gossip. Underneath the façade of strength, the bridge was crumbling.

As my drinking escalated, so did the tendency for unprocessed trauma to explode when I was drunk and triggered. Deep down, I knew I had become like the unsafe people I had allowed to walk on me. I began to fantasize about becoming free from alcohol, just as I had fantasized about being free from my childhood home and my marriage. I started consuming sobriety podcasts and self-help books, and joined an online women’s recovery group under a pseudonym during the pandemic. In others’ stories, I realized that we weren’t just a bunch of people who couldn’t “drink normally”—we were the brave ones who wanted to live truthfully.

It took me a couple of years, during which I had two stretches of abstinence and two awful (the only kind) relapses, but my final Day One was November 4, 2022. I employed countless tools I learned about from all of those podcasts and quit-lit books, but if I had to name one, it would be this:

I allowed the real me to be seen. I stopped hiding behind all of the roles, and the connection I had always dreamed of materialized. I made friends with women who were equally passionate about living as fully and truthfully as possible. The weaker connections, based on anything less, seemed to evaporate naturally, making room for even more authentic ones.

My vision board for 2026 displays this quote, cut out from a greeting card given to me by a dear friend I made on this recovery journey:

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

My role in life, at age 55, inadvertently semi-retired, with grown children who no longer define me as a mother, has never been less clear. Yet I begin this year with a steady and hopeful heart—one holding many footprints, though not from being walked on.

From this place, I’d love to guide you in creating your own sobriety vision board, if you feel called. Below are some simple instructions to get you started.

How to create your sobriety vision board

Materials

Poster board or cork board (any size)
Images (see below for topics), cut from print media or sourced digitally
Scissors
Glue, tape, or pushpins
Printer (if using digital images)

Instructions

Assemble your materials in your workspace. Some ideas:

I utilize free media, such as giveaway magazines from the local public library, catalogs, or greeting cards you’ve received. Note: Hello Someday Coaching offers a free sobriety vision board guide with a variety of inspirational quotes.
Some people prefer to change out their images throughout the year; if so, a thick poster board or a cork board with pushpins makes this easier.
You may wish to write affirmations on your board (they will be covered up) to add extra intention. Choose a fun pen, or use your finger and a drop of essential oil. Note: I got this idea from Dorena Kohrs, at The Intentional Home.

Work intuitively to select images from your media sources. This means blocking off a couple of hours when you can avoid interruption. Put on some relaxing music, light a candle, grab a cup of tea, and take a few deep breaths.

Ask yourself: Which images and words make you feel how you wish to feel throughout this year? For example: adventurous, peaceful, safe.

Cut out as many images and words as will give you a happy, excited feeling about your life.

If you are early in your sobriety journey, you may also wish to include images of your “why,” such as your children, partner, or pets.

Before affixing the images to your board, move them around until it feels right to you. Your body should feel relaxed and hopeful.

Once it feels complete, affix the images and place the board somewhere you can see it often throughout your day or week. I take a photo of mine, keep it on my phone, and use it as my lock screen. The more frequently you see your board, the more familiar the feelings you wish to cultivate become in your body as “normal.” Your subconscious will then begin to seek these experiences for you.

At the end of the year, be amazed at how people, places, and opportunities aligned with your board have entered your life.

We invite you to share.

What does being truly seen mean to you now?
What would you love your sobriety to feel like this year?
If you make a sobriety vision board, please tell us about it!