“After witnessing the power of personal transcendence, I am committed to this lifelong pursuit.”
When and how did you get sober? What was the turning point?
My sobriety journey began in 2011 after an unfortunate event at work. I immediately attended rehab and willingly embraced a sober lifestyle. In the beginning, sobriety was a revelation. I suddenly had a plausible explanation for my destructive tendencies and the tools to address my behavior.
I spent the first year on a pink cloud soaking up the rays of 12-step recovery. I did step work, attended meetings daily, and eventually sponsored a number of other recovery alcoholics. However, lasting sobriety requires more than meeting attendance and service work. It necessitates an enduring connection with a power greater than the self. Unfortunately, I failed to establish and nurture such a relationship and, after five years, decided to drink again.
The rejoinder was swift, leading to six harrowing years of active addiction. I have anxiety and bipolar disorders so self-medicating is a significant motivator for my substance abuse. After a particularly frightful manic episode, I decided to trade alcohol for weed. Quickly, my smoking habits outpaced my drinking habits.
When I started drinking again, I noticed an interesting change. Now that I was properly medicated, I was no longer drinking daily. Since the frequency of my drinking decreased, I wrongfully assumed that my alcoholism was cured. However, this was a fallacy because when I drank, I did so alcoholically.
On March 25, 2024, I got an otherworldly visit from my dead best friend, Mark, who had died from untreated mental health and addiction issues a few years prior. During this “hot flash” moment, Mark revealed the hopelessness of my situation and implored me to get sober. Crushed by the weight of awareness, I finally surrendered to my crippling reality and picked up my second white chip. I’ve been sober ever since.
What surprised you about getting sober?
After such a long period of relapse, recovery is truly a miracle. Many people don’t make it back.
That said, the present attempt was significantly more challenging than the first. My disease had evolved considerably and was now openly confrontation. I was already aware of my problem and was previously introduced to the instruments of recovery—basking in a pink cloud of enlightened euphoria was no longer an option. I couldn’t just repeat my previous strategy.
Thankfully, I found a sponsor who offered the necessary approach: spiritual development. However, my willfulness made following her guidance harder than I had anticipated. It took humility and tremendous emotional stamina to successfully trudge the road to happy destiny.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
The first 87 days of sobriety were the toughest period of my life.
When I eliminated alcohol, my mind was besieged by a lifetime of limiting beliefs and psychological wounds. In the past, I relied on alcohol to quiet my demons, but sobriety eliminated this coping mechanism. Years of drinking and mental illness effectively stunted my psychological development, so I lacked any defensive maneuvers. I was forced into combat completely unarmed.
My sponsor repeatedly emphasized that salvation rested with the divine. However, I stubbornly rejected her suggestion because I harbored tremendous resentment toward “God.” I felt abandoned and condemned to a life of ceaseless hardship, so turning my will and life over to his care seemed disingenuous.
Even so, I said the serenity prayer ceaselessly out of desperation. On day 87, I awoke to the strange sound of silence. The relentless mental chatter had nearly vanished, giving way to the soothing calm of true acceptance. In that moment, I recognized the mysterious power woven into the fabric of reality and resolved to harness it for my own benefit.
The traditional notion of “God” still bothered me, so I consumed Hindu philosophy, Jungian psychology, and quantum theory to craft my own conception. During this exploratory period, I found myself in a liminal space, caught between the extremes of doubt and faith.
Navigating this precarious wilderness required confronting my underlying fear of abandonment and fortifying my sense of self-worth. The pain of doing so was palpable, but it helped solidify my cosmic beliefs, restored my faith, and sparked a profound spiritual awakening.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
Early sobriety pupated a personal metamorphosis, transforming me from a timid caterpillar into a soaring butterfly.
First, the recovery community offered a safe haven for my growth, while my daily commitment to sobriety acted as the silk thread anchoring me to my desired transformation.
Second, surrender and acceptance allowed me to shed my caterpillar skin serving as the encasement for my chrysalis.
Third, step work supplied the necessary digestive enzymes to break down my caterpillar parts.
Fourth, building a relationship with a higher power furnished the tissue cells for my new butterfly form. I realized my thoughts and actions facilitate cosmic fission to power the nuclear reactor of existence. God is merely a formless cosmic force working through me. I am God and God is me.
Finally, reliance on my Godself pumped fluid into my wings giving me the confidence to embody my new reality.
However, this is not the end of the process. To sustain this higher expression, I need a consistent diet of spiritual nourishment, only attainable through conscious awareness and continuous self-improvement. After witnessing the power of personal transcendence, I am committed to this lifelong pursuit.
I’m worth the tireless effort.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Sobriety revealed a stunning truth: my real enemy is not alcohol, but a fragile ego with a fractured self-concept. Alcohol is the tool I use to quell my ego’s discomfort, so its power is entirely dependent on the value I assign it.
By addressing my psychological and emotional wounds, I improved my self-perception which automatically removed the driving force behind my drinking. When I realized I am God—a conduit for cosmic energy—I reasserted my place as the Empress of my reality.
I approach sobriety like a wellness regime. While the byproduct of healthy eating and physical fitness is a more toned physique, it’s not the end goal. The objective is a happier, more vigorous existence. When you keep this at the forefront of your mind, alcohol ceases to have a role in your life. It’s no longer part of your identity.
I suggest crafting a lifestyle that promotes this ethos, which will vary for each individual. Lasting sobriety is not one-size-fits-all, so find a personal method and know it might change over time. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion as you become the highest version of self.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Chandni Challa!
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