My Sobriety Story with Jake

“I have way more fun doing things I actually remember, and the urge to drink has been gone for a while.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Jake Summers, an entrepreneur, writer, and girl dad working towards publishing his first book, The Mango Tango. The memoir follows his attempt to start a mango farm in Cambodia, a venture that goes dramatically wrong and becomes an exploration of business, family, and his reckoning with identity and addiction. In his newsletter, Perfection is the Enemy of Progress, Jake delves into addiction, authenticity, and living a creative and meaningful life.

When and how did you get sober?

I had my last drink in 2018. I went to rehab in 2011 but found myself drunk again after a month. Treatment helped me learn about my disease, but it wasn’t a magic solution. I got sober by committing to a 12-Step program. I found a sponsor, did the 12 Steps, got involved in the fellowship, and made friends. Most importantly, I did the work. I experienced a remarkable transformation by staying honest, being willing, and taking action.

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

I had been sober for a few years, then had a traumatic relapse—picking up right where I left off.

I picked up a drink while living in Cambodia and spent a few weeks in a blackout. That was the first time it felt like this disease might kill me. I was a speeding train, trying to jump the tracks, and I couldn’t stop my desire for self-destruction. My mom had to come rescue me. I went back to the States and found myself at an AA meeting before I took my suitcase out of the car. I was miserable and scared, and I was willing to do anything to stay sober. I took whatever direction was given to me.

What surprised you about getting sober?

That my life wasn’t over! It sounds simple, but when I first thought about getting sober, I believed accepting the label of alcoholic would ruin my life, career, and relationships. I thought I’d never have fun again. I assumed I would be fighting cravings the rest of my life. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My community and strangers are proud of me. It has opened doors for me. I have way more fun doing things I actually remember, and the urge to drink has been gone for a while.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?

The biggest challenge I’ve encountered is just life. Sobriety gave me a life worth living. It gave me a career, a family, hobbies. Life became so full and wonderful that it can be hard to take the proverbial medicine of meetings, prayer, and service that keeps me sober in the first place. At one point, I had the time but stopped thinking I needed to, because life looked great.

I’ve heard so many stories of someone getting sober, getting busy, drifting, and then finding themselves drunk again. For me, it isn’t the big stuff. I lost my mom in sobriety after a draining month-long hospital stay. It was unexpected, but I immediately leaned on my community and got through it.

When I relapsed, it snuck up on me. There wasn’t some big event. In hindsight, I had been drifting back towards a drink and not taking care of myself for months, and I made an impulsive decision. I got cocky and complacent, and my addiction convinced me it was safe to take one drink again. No matter how busy I get, I have to prioritize my sobriety and keep maintaining it.

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

Achieving real freedom in my life. Before getting sober, I didn’t realize how much of a hold addiction had on me. When I wasn’t drinking, I was thinking about it. I was manipulating people to get to my next drink. I was a true prisoner to a substance. My entire life revolved around it. Relationships and interests were just background noise.

It might seem like to relapse and drink is to be free again, but for me it was the opposite. When I lived in Southeast Asia, I traveled all around the region. I hiked Everest Base Camp, took a solo trip to Myanmar, and felt like I could go anywhere and do anything. When I relapsed, I was trapped in my apartment, with my thoughts completely consumed by alcohol.

I could’ve convinced myself that my alcoholic life was normal, but once I got away from it, I realized how little freedom of choice I actually had. Real freedom unlocks everything. I can be present, have relationships, travel, take risks—the list goes on.

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

The best analogy I’ve heard in meetings is about riding a bike. When you first get sober, you have to exert a lot of force on the pedals to get it moving. It takes work to go from stationary to moving. But then the pedaling gets easy and feels effortless. As long as you keep pedaling, the bike will stay upright. If we take our feet off the pedals, it’s a guarantee we will fall—it’s just a matter of when.

This is the journey in sobriety. Doing the steps and getting sober takes some work. Once you have momentum, maintaining sobriety doesn’t require a ton of effort, and the ride becomes enjoyable. But when we stop doing any maintenance or work, it sets the timer on a relapse. You have to keep pedaling each and every day to keep your life upright. Do the work, stick to the maintenance, and realize you are never cured of alcoholism. It’s a lifelong disease.

Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.

Thank you for sharing, Jake. We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.