My Sobriety Story with Jessica

“I was either going to continue and let it kill me slowly, or I was going to decide to live.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Jessica Dueñas, an educator, sober life coach, and TEDx speaker who writes about self-worth, the cost of success, and recovery. Her work explores how shame keeps people silent and what makes honesty feel safe. She is currently working on a memoir about achievement, secrecy, and the courage to live without hiding in a world that asks us to stay quiet. You can find her newsletter at Bottomless to Sober and her website here.

When and how did you get sober?

My sobriety date is November 28, 2020, though my relationship with alcohol involved years of back and forth before that. After an emergency room visit in 2013, when I was newly married, I stopped drinking for a year out of fear I would lose my marriage. At that time, Twelve Step programs helped me stay sober.

When fear of losing my marriage was no longer driving me, I let alcohol back into my life. By 2019, I was fully addicted and diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease. From September 2019 to November 2020, I cycled through multiple hospitalizations, detox stays, and a five-week residential treatment program before I was finally ready to stop.

This time, sobriety began when I was willing to tell the truth and I was willing to open up about my mental health, began medication under medical supervision, and leaned into therapy, coaching, and community support. Twelve Step programs didn’t resonate with me in the same way the second time around, so I found a pathway that worked for me.

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

There wasn’t one dramatic moment. It was the accumulation of physical reality. By 2019, my body was failing. I was living in a daily cycle of alcohol withdrawal and drinking just to function, while also navigating a diagnosis of alcoholic liver disease. It hurt to exist.

At some point, the illusion that I could “manage” it disappeared. I realized there was no balancing anymore. I was either going to continue and let it kill me slowly, or I was going to decide to live.

What surprised you about getting sober?

Honestly, I thought life would magically become easier once I got sober. I assumed that if alcohol was the problem, removing it would solve everything.

What surprised me was realizing that life is still hard. Grief still comes. Stress still comes. Conflict still comes. The difference is that now I face those things clearly instead of numbing or avoiding them. Sobriety didn’t remove hardship, but it did give me the capacity to move through it.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?

One of the biggest challenges has been untangling sobriety from beauty standards. We often socialize the idea that sobriety should come with visible “wins” like weight loss, glowing skin, a more conventionally attractive body, as if those are proof that recovery is working.

My experience has been different. Since getting sober, I’ve gained weight. I’ve been eating consistently, lifting heavy weights, and I had a baby. My body changed. And sometimes I have to consciously tune out the narrative that equates sobriety with shrinking.

Sobriety isn’t valuable because it makes someone smaller or more palatable to others. It’s valuable because it gives us our lives back. Our worth was never tied to our body size in the first place.

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

For me, the biggest gift of sobriety has been living in integrity. What you see with me is what you get all of the time. There aren’t multiple versions of me that appear depending on context. I show up as the same person consistently, and that’s a gift not only to me but to the people I touch.

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

If you’re struggling with drinking or newly sober, start by writing down everything you’ve already tried to do to stop. Then make a second list of the things you haven’t tried, including the ones you don’t want to try.

At the top of that second list, write the word “yet.”

Sobriety often requires a willingness to do what feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. I didn’t want to go to rehab, but I was willing, and it helped. I didn’t want to take medication, but I was willing, and it helped. Being open to options I had previously resisted made the difference.

Challenge yourself to be willing to do what your situation requires. Sobriety is worth the discomfort.

Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.

Thank you for sharing, Jessica! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.