My Sobriety Story with Mary

“There is a before and after.”

People overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in a decade. Mary Peeples is almost 500 days sober, and she’s just now understanding what that means. She’s a writer, former editor, theatre kid, and Southerner who writes about the small edits that compound over a lifetime. From ending generational cycles to discovering genuine joy in this new life, she hones in on building a life after burning bridges, rising from those ashes, and all the creative doors the freedom of sobriety has opened that make her feel like her most authentic self. From lifestyle, to anecdotes, to the burning questions. What it’s like when being sober doesn’t mean becoming someone new, but means finally integrating everyone you’ve already been.

When and how did you get sober?

September 16, 2024 was the day that the madness finally stopped. After struggling with alcohol abuse from the moment liquor touched my lips at 16, by the time I turned 24, I elected to walk into the doors of a rehab facility. My early twenties were supposed to be the best times of my life, and they were anything but. I had been inputting the same variables into an insane formula, and I was getting the same results with the same people. Self-inflicted humiliation.

I was stranded on an island, and the only bridge back to the shore demanded that I take action. Rehabilitation became a safe haven where time stopped and I could try to catch my breath again. I walked in with a broken wing, and through the power of fellowship and the natural surroundings of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I walked out ready to spread those wings. Instrumental 90 days of Intensive Outpatient Care followed suit and suddenly I was six months sober.

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

The world has a funny way of teaching you the same lesson over and over again. In March of 2024, I looked around and realized I had burned every friendship I had ever had, and I was no longer just hurting myself. This was a hurt-people-hurt-people situation, and the public display I was putting on was rewriting a reputation I was holding onto by a string.

I was every kind of alcoholic—Jekyll & Hyde, episodic binge drinker, daily drinker. The works. What I know now: it was a combination of grief and wounded ego, both making me destructive at events, holidays, parties, and my own professional life. This slow suicide brought so much pain that I had to make it stop.

Past the proverbial point of no return, I felt no hope for the future. I finally asked my parents for help when they realized how far down the path I had gone. I knew there was something buried deep inside of me, my truest self, that I used to know. And I had a feeling that I could get her back. There had to be a different way. It felt like a long overlooked calling.

What surprised you about getting sober?

What surprised me most was how ready I was for a change, which was further enforced by the way I got to, and still get to, experience life like a newborn baby. There is a before and after. I saw the fruits of my labor reflected in the texture of my skin, the sparkle in my eyes, and the way my brain’s gears started to churn again. It surprised me because I had become an immovable cynic. Instead, the thread of my spiritual loom wove an image of fire and brimstone and forged a version of myself I never thought I could be.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?

Sobriety is a double-edged sword that demands hypervigilance, which also battles the age-old tempest of the sense of identity. I relive stinging memories just as I go to sleep, yet without those memories, I would forget why I am sober in the first place. My codependent programming made it difficult to forgive myself, but without forgiving myself, I can’t make right with the people I hurt along the way. It is setting the boundaries you wrote and talked about inside of the recovery bubble that you have to delineate in the real world.

My biggest fear was feeling left out, but I wanted to insulate myself to protect myself from temptation. Reactions protruded sideways, instead of from the knowledgeable source. My instinct was to assume sobriety as my next role in a play, but as the scales naturally balanced themselves, I was able to find truth in the contradictions. The contradictions, I know, are the plight of the human experience that we must make peace with.

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

You get the opportunity to get to know yourself again. You aren’t wilting with oppressive regret or the character-defining reins of accountability. It’s heaviness that goes away, and also the ever-unfolding benefits. The joy of watching your relationships recenter and mean something to you again, the ability to test your balance and do hard things without immediately running to the bottle, the calm, the grounding, the wondrous ways of the universe.

The gift of noticing is by far the most revelatory. Your spiritual connection bleeds out into everything you do and purpose blossoms from every word you write, smile you beam, and moment you save in your piggy bank of hope. The sick version of yourself begins to fade in the background, and you can begin to hold a special place for that version in your heart. When people tell me to just be myself, I don’t look to stage left for someone to feed me my lines.

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

The most important advice I received in early recovery was to do the hard work on the front end. As I closed in on my discharge date from treatment, I had to swallow the sobering pill (no pun intended) that my work was not done when I left. The goal of rehab was stabilization—slay some demons, feel less alone. In the real world, it was time to actually use my recovery tools.

Your brain has a long way to go. So, in that vein, you have to let yourself rest. Work hard. Get rest. You’ll watch the healing miracle materialize in your reflection in the mirror. Be prepared for the process. Even if you decide to do this earlier in your life, even when your friends are going out and you feel disconnected, you are going to be the baddest sober b#@&* around.

Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.

Thank you for sharing, Mary! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.