“Being sober creates confidence and assuredness that wouldn’t have been present otherwise.”
When and how did you get sober?
I’m closing in on seven years now. My sobriety date is December 26th, 2017.
The morning before that, Christmas Day 2017, I was in a hospital emergency room about to die. The second-to-last thing I remember is the blood pressure monitor next to the bed I was shackled down on flashing 251/140. The last thing I remember is the kind hospital priest sitting next to my bedside with a Bible. I have no recollection of the subsequent six days until I woke up at 11:47 p.m. on New Year’s Eve. The television was on, and I watched the ball dropping in Times Square. Just in time to bid farewell to a terrible year.
Prior to that, I had been involved in two life-threatening accidents not related to alcohol. They were wrong place, wrong time type accidents: one involving a freight train and tractor trailer, and another involving a shooting on a subway. I sustained multiple concussions from those, and subsequently got hooked on painkillers. The strong ones. Shortly thereafter, I began supplementing them with alcohol. I was already a heavy drinker before that, but my life very rapidly deteriorated from there.
After that time in the hospital, I was lucky to get into an in-patient rehab facility. I was in a bad state. It was there that I had to learn to walk again, talk again, and eat food again in addition to learning about addiction and what a recovery plan might look like. It was also there that I realized I was lucky to get a second lease on life, and that there were lots of reasons I was still here.
I decided I was going to do all I could to get better and vowed never to forget what I went through. I spent 94 days as a resident at the facility, did the 12 Steps twice, took other addicts and alcoholics through them, led men’s groups, volunteered in the kitchen, and left with a firm commitment to not only stay sober but to change my entire approach to life.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
At first, it was a necessity. I had no choice. After some time, I realized that it was a choice: a total lifestyle choice that was centered around my two children at the time and wanting to have more.
I think when I emerged after hitting rock bottom, there was a jolt to the system that never went away. I just knew that to live the kind of life I wanted and a lot of us want, I couldn’t do the same things around the same people in the same places ever again. There needed to be some pretty big changes made, and I needed to commit to them.
I think the other major turning point was seeing myself function healthily without the aid of any liquids, supplements, medications, or anything. Today, I take nothing: no meds, no supplements, not even a daily vitamin, nada.
It was like, “Wow, okay. This is what I was like when I was 20 and I feel like a relative powerhouse again. I like the way I feel again and want this to continue.” It was a mindset shift, which then became deeply held convictions for me.
To know, see, and feel how I felt with just a little bit of sober time was truly an awakening. “I’m never going back no matter what,” is what I said to myself. This disease or addiction is not going to bring me down or define me. I’m strong enough to handle it.
What surprised you about getting sober?
Several things. All my senses were awakened after about six months. I felt like I was in my early 20s again. I realized when I started to get back to my natural state of being, my body and mind clicked into gear again. It was almost like my body and mind had desperately wanted to return to normal for years, but alcohol was the thing blocking that. I could almost feel myself in a constant state of catharsis as time went on. My body was breathing again and almost thanking me.
Next, it was the freeing up of time I could use on myself and things I cared about. How much time I had and how much extra energy I had to put towards productive things. It was such a signal to me that I had become so inefficient and made life so much harder for myself when I was drinking. The surprise was how much easier life had become. The word “manageable” appropriately captures this essence, too.
Lastly, everything I learned from doing the 12 Steps to manage my recovery were things that I could apply to everyday life as a sober person too. They’re not only good steps to use to become sober; they’re also good steps to use for life in general.
Plus, after about a year and after going through some of the celebratory days like birthdays and holidays completely dry, I realized how much less of a deal drinking was than I had made it. It never actually added anything to my experiences before. I also noticed that tons of people don’t drink.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your recovery journey?
This one might surprise people, but the answer is other people. Specifically, other people left over from my past. They’re the biggest challenge. Some of them are people who once upon a time supported me in early sobriety but now don’t like, or are resentful of, the person I’ve become and the work I was fortunate to do on myself to let go of trauma and grief. Even other people who, for whatever reason, would like to see me fail or relapse.
I can’t control other people’s thoughts or emotions towards me, but I’ve made choices to cut off people I didn’t think I’d have to cut off.
I’m super proud of my recovery process. I would recommend the way I did it to anyone. It was not totally by the book, but it was comprehensive and all-consuming. For me, I had to rebuild my life around sobriety knowing the right people will fall in after that—not the other way around. I didn’t choose people first and sobriety second. That was a challenge.
In my opinion, the most important part of continuing or long-term sobriety is surrounding myself with people who want to see me at my best. Eliminating toxic people and energies. Severing emotional attachments to people who don’t want me to thrive no matter who they are.
As a sober person, I know there’s no reason to play small. Our time to shrink and be small was here before and now it’s not. I like to think of it like this: I live with my addiction but not in my addiction anymore. Knowing this empowers me and doesn’t hold me back from doing anything.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
Sobriety adds life back into your years. Even though I’ve been sober for almost seven years, I look, act, feel, and behave better than ever before. Even though I’ve aged, I feel like I’ve gotten so much younger.
I’ve welcomed a son into the world in addition to my two daughters. I chase him around and play with him with as much energy as he has. I could never do that if something like alcohol or drugs had any power over me.
Other gifts? Depth of thought. Situational awareness. Being present and alive in the moment. Physical health. Mental health. Appreciation for the little things which are actually big things. Transparency, or the feeling that I’m not hiding something or ashamed of anything anymore.
And one last one: I thought I was a super-strong, mentally tough person before I got sober. That was wrong. Being sober after fighting to transcend the powers of alcohol is something that creates a unique confidence and assuredness that wouldn’t have been present otherwise.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Do it. It changes your life in all the best ways, and you’ll miss nothing (especially the hangovers, regrets, and cobwebs in your head).
I can’t imagine life as someone not sober anymore. There are no health or social benefits to drinking. I’m not a straight-line, boring guy and I don’t know anyone sober who is. In fact, we probably have the best stories.
Knowing that alcohol has no power or control over me is empowering in every aspect of my life. I now bring the confidence and strength I once had as an athlete back into my life, but in a far more profound way.
Want to share your sobriety story?
Thank you for sharing, Mike! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
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