“You don’t ever have to drink again if you don’t want to.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Parker Gates, an ICF Certified Coach trained in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction who teaches executive education at Stanford’s d.school. Parker has been sober for over two decades, has practiced meditation for more than 12 years, and has studied the dharma for the past 10 years. You can find his website here and his newsletter at: The Practice.
When and how did you get sober?
My sobriety date is October 27, 2001. The short version of the “how” is that I’d just picked up my third DUI and had been battling alcoholism since my first trip to rehab in 1989 (I was 15 years old). I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
It’s cliché, I know, but I hit bottom. I had no more patience for hangovers, breakups, being broke all the time, getting in trouble at work, and lying to everyone I knew.
What surprised you about getting sober?
Well, like most people, I thought sobriety would be dreadfully boring. I couldn’t imagine going through a holiday without drinking. I couldn’t imagine seeing a band, going to a wedding, or traveling to Italy without drinking. Turns out, ALL of those things are way more fun and easy when I’m not drunk. That was a genuine surprise!
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?
My best friend died of cancer when I was eight or nine years sober. Then, three months later, my wife was diagnosed with cancer, which she’s been fighting for the past 13 years. I’ve never wanted to drink over these things, but they certainly add a level of stress and sadness that makes it tough to experience serenity or emotional sobriety.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
Too many to list. Seriously, there are so many. In this moment, though, I’d say clear-headedness. The ability to work through both personal and professional things with clarity feels awesome. And presence. I’m awake, and I’m present with my life and the people in it more often than ever before. Neither of those were things I cared about in early sobriety. Back then, I just wanted to stop hurting (and going to jail). Now it’s about thriving.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
I heard these words in my first AA meeting: “You don’t ever have to drink again if you don’t want to.” Believe it or not, that felt like new information to a guy like me. If you drank like I drank, this will sound like good news. You might not believe it just yet, but if you believe the person saying it to you, then you might give it a try.
Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.
Thank you for sharing, Parker! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
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