“I had never seen so many people, especially men, openly sharing their feelings in one place. This was my tribe.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Scott Cameron, a public interest lawyer and father of two young adult men who grew up in upstate New York and moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico, in 1993. In his free time, Scott swims, bikes, runs, rafts, plays guitar, and travels. He has been practicing mindfulness meditation for nearly 20 years, has been a TEDx speaker, has been trained to teach adult Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) by UCSD and to children by Mindful Schools, and has taught mindfulness to kindergartners, high schoolers, lawyers, and judges. He has been (mostly) happily sober since January 2, 2018.
When and how did you get sober?
January 2, 2018. On Christmas Eve, my sober girlfriend told me to get sober or we were done. I said OK, and she laughed at me when I told her I would, but in a week or so because I wasn’t done drinking yet.
Then, on January 1, my buddy came to pick me up for the annual New Year’s Day leftovers party, and instead of getting in the car, I gave him two paper bags full of half-empty bottles and growlers. I then went on my standard holiday run, followed by two stiff Bloody Marys and a growler full of IPA, as was my tradition for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. The next day, I woke up sober and have been ever since.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
I had been trying unsuccessfully for years, had been going out with a sober person for ten months and had been to meetings with her, and the consequences were adding up. The first time I went to an AA meeting, I knew I was home. I had never seen so many people, especially men, openly sharing their feelings in one place. This was my tribe.
What surprised you about getting sober?
How much of my emotional life I had been missing out on since I started drinking at age 13. I started drinking, and later using drugs, to numb out the trauma of childhood abuse and to get my mind to stop torturing me with negativity and self-hatred.
Thirty-six years later, I discovered that I had been missing out on so much, as the numbing included the good as well as the bad. As my sponsor told me soon after getting sober, “You’ll feel better.” I remember telling him I felt like shit. He told me I missed the point—I would feel everything better, meaning more deeply—the good and the bad and the in between.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?
Learning how to have a good time totally straight and being around people who are drinking and not resenting them. I recently went to a New Year’s Eve party, which is usually the bane of the existence of a sober person, and had the best time! Also, keeping from falling back into those old patterns that got me drinking in the first place; it is so tempting to wallow in shame, fear, self-loathing, anger, hate, and sadness when things get hard.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
The incredible boost to growth that sobriety brings. I could never figure out why I always felt like a child, even as an adult. Then I heard the concept of emotional stunting, where you stop growing emotionally at the age you start using. So, I am currently going on 21 (again). And I had been a practicing meditator for dozens of years prior to getting sober, and had totally plateaued until I got sober.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
Find a program that works and connect with the people in that program because it is too hard to do alone. Once connected, stay connected—go to meetings, call others, read the literature, practice the principles.
Sobriety has to be #1 for the initial stages or it’s too uncomfortable and going back is too easy. You have to put hours, then days, then months, then years between you and the substance, and practice reliance upon something else before the balance tips in your favor and it gets easier rather than harder.
Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.
Thank you for sharing, Scott! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
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