My Sobriety Story with Sydney

“Don’t try to make your sobriety look like someone else’s.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Sydney Allen, who has been sober since November 2022, when she realized alcohol no longer had a place in the life she wanted. Noticing a gap in support for people who stop drinking without a “rock-bottom” story, she began writing about her recovery. A full-time working mom of two young kids, avid reader, and certified Personal Trainer, Sydney shares weekly sobriety support in her newsletter, This Is Not Okay, and is working on her debut book about sobriety without a rock-bottom, women-targeted marketing, and the darker dynamics of online spaces.

When and how did you get sober?

I got sober in November 2022 after a very quiet inner battle with myself that lasted years. I wasn’t an alcoholic or lying about my drinking, but I knew I had a toxic relationship with alcohol. I wasn’t drinking every day, but whenever I started, I couldn’t stop. I tried to moderate my drinking, which only caused me to feel even guiltier every time I woke up with a hangover after promising myself I could keep it under control.

I quickly realized and understood it was all-or-nothing for me, even if my drinking looked totally acceptable on the outside. I was doing what all my friends and family were doing—drinking a lot. No one thought I had a problem.

I’ve never identified as an alcoholic, but I won’t go so far as to say I’m not an addict.

I made the decision to quit drinking on my own. I read so many books: The Easy Way, This Naked Mind, We Are the Luckiest, Quit Like a Woman, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I told myself if I never said yes to the first drink, I wouldn’t have to say no to the second, third, fourth, fifth…

I’ve been sober for three years now, and I’m grateful for every day I don’t have to bargain with myself, pretend to be someone I’m not, or kick myself and swear I’ll do better tomorrow.

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

It was so many small things adding up to something unavoidable. Too many hangovers, or too many broken promises to myself. In the end, I found myself spending almost all of my time thinking about alcohol and drinking while wishing I could think about anything else.

By all accounts, I was a “normal” drinker. But I got tired of pretending I didn’t hate everything about the person I was when I was drunk.

What surprised you about getting sober?

When I told people I quit drinking, they seemed mad and confused. They asked why I felt the need to quit, and they told me I wasn’t an alcoholic (I think they thought I wasn’t sure). I felt like my decision to get sober was being dismissed because I didn’t hit rock-bottom. It was being treated like a phase or something incredibly annoying that they were having to work around.

Because I drank the same as everyone else in my life, no one saw any reason for me to quit. In fact, I think my sobriety threatened them or made them insecure. Everyone kept asking me why I couldn’t just keep drinking like everybody else?

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?

Finding a community where I feel like I fit in. I never felt the need to go to AA or any support group like that, so it was difficult for me to find other sober people that I felt would want me.

I’m so grateful for everyone who has shared their story. But all the books I read seemed to talk about sobriety following more severe alcohol use than I could relate to. I would read these books and think, “Well, I’m not that bad.” I struggled to find a relatability in the sobriety space for former gray-area drinkers (which is the reason I started my own newsletter, This Is Not Okay, where I write to offer relatable sobriety support for women and moms).

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

I’m never hungover. I have so much more capacity now, never worrying about “Where did I leave my drink?” or “How much can I drink tonight and not have to stop too soon?” I spend that extra energy on things I genuinely enjoy, which has increased my experience of joy as well. When I love, I love hard, and I’m able to give it the energy and attention it deserves in a productive and meaningful way.

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

Don’t try to make your sobriety look like someone else’s. The first time I tried to stop drinking, I was sober for 10 months before I started drinking again. I was craving a glass of wine, but I had read something somewhere about not drinking non-alcoholic drinks in sobriety. I thought I wasn’t allowed to even pretend or enjoy the ritual of the drink. I drove to the store, bought a box of wine, and drank half of it that night.

If I had given myself some grace and didn’t try to make my sobriety look a certain way (like someone else’s), I probably would’ve bought the NA wine and I wouldn’t have started drinking again.

Ask for help even if you feel like you don’t need it. Find someone (a friend, a partner, a parent) that you can convey how important it is for you, so they can support you when you falter—because you will falter. And that’s okay. Be prepared for that.

Lean into the things you genuinely enjoy. I love reading, doing puzzles, hot coffee in the morning, a clean kitchen, cutey little bookstores and coffee shops, and My Chemical Romance.

Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.

Thank you for sharing, Sydney! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.