“I am amazed by how much I love being sober.”
This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Theresa Rath, a German-born lawyer, writer, and neurodivergence coach. Sober since 2022 and later diagnosed with autism and ADHD, she has published several books and hosts two podcasts. Currently, Theresa is working on her fifth book, a spiritual travel guide through India and Nepal that chronicles a journey of transformation following major loss. Connect with her on Instagram @theresa_audhd_coach, explore her website here, and subscribe to her newsletter at: The Year After My Mom Died.
When and how did you get sober?
I had my last drink on September 4, 2022. I got sober with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, which will forever be my spiritual home.
What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?
Getting sober took me a couple of attempts. I knew that I was drinking too much. My father is an alcoholic, and I had fought with addiction before when I developed an eating disorder at 15. I knew what was happening, and yet I couldn’t stop drinking. It got worse over time. I partied, did recreational drugs, and was hopping from one less-than-ideal relationship to the next.
During that time, living with one of my addict partners, my stepfather and mother got ill. I was 28 when my mom was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. Shortly after, my stepfather was diagnosed with cancer, and my mom followed suit, developing terminal ovarian cancer.
My mother and stepfather had a child quite late—my half-brother. When my stepdad died a year and a half after his diagnosis, my brother was only 17. The responsibility for him and my mother, whose dementia was worsening, landed on my shoulders. I struggled immensely. I was juggling my own life and trauma, my codependent relationship, the grief over losing my stepdad, a pending PhD thesis, the responsibility for my mother and brother, and undiagnosed neurodivergence. I coped by drinking more.
Weeks before my stepfather died, I helped my mom move into assisted living. One evening, I met with my brother, who was still living in our parents’ home with my stepfather. My brother was 17. I was 30. We drank ourselves out of our minds. That night, my brother was arrested for spraying graffiti. I had gone home, drunk and oblivious to his despair. My dying stepfather picked him up from the police station in the middle of the night. I felt terrible. That’s when I first joined AA.
But my sobriety didn’t last. I didn’t understand that being sober from alcohol was not enough. I also had to be clean. In the first months in AA, I renounced alcohol, but my overall consumption of drugs increased. Inevitably, I relapsed. My boyfriend was looking forward to the summer because summer meant parties, and parties meant drugs. I knew I wouldn’t survive another summer in this relationship sober. My anxious attachment was driving me insane. He used to go on party benders that lasted three days without coming home. I had to either leave him or go back to drinking. I wasn’t ready to leave him, so I went back to drinking.
The relapse was horrendous. I had a six-week-long panic attack that I tried to drink and drug away, but it got worse. I started reading books on codependency and joined Al-Anon while still drinking myself. I understood that my own alcoholism was inseparably interwoven with my codependency.
Life with my boyfriend became unbearable. I could clearly see where I was headed. The situation would kill me, I just knew it. Maybe not the alcohol itself, but my anxiety or the horrible guilt I was feeling. I ended the relationship. The next three months I spent drinking at home by myself. I felt guilty about leaving my boyfriend, and my life was a wreck. My stepdad was gone, my mom was in a care home, and I was in my thirties without the family I had hoped for, but with an active drinking problem. Still drinking, I attended AA meetings about once a week and got a new sponsor.
Then, finally, one day, I was ready. I took my last drink. I was sick of it. I knew there was more to life than that. I attended several meetings a week. I worked the steps from moment one. And, almost magically, the desire to drink was lifted.
What surprised you about getting sober?
I was and am surprised by several things. In the beginning, I was struck by how much time I suddenly had. Before, I was busy getting drunk, recovering from being drunk, or feeling bad about the things I had done while drunk. All that fell away, and I found myself with time for hobbies, sports, and friends.
I am amazed by how much I love being sober. I never want to go back to drinking. I am one of those fortunate alcoholics who don’t miss it. I’ve had very few moments, seconds, of craving, and it was never an option to go back.
Getting to know myself sober is eye-opening. A lot of the quirks that I had as a child and teenager came back when I got sober. People started suggesting that I might be autistic. I dismissed that at first, but then I looked into autism and ADHD in women. Suddenly, an image formed out of the dark. I saw myself, and the turns my life had taken so far started to make sense.
When I got diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 33, it was an enormous relief, and together with my sobriety, the biggest gift I’ve ever received. I don’t think I would’ve gotten diagnosed without getting sober. My alcoholism was masking the symptoms of my neurodivergence. It enabled me to be “normal” at the cost of my health. Today, being sober and diagnosed allows me to build a life that lets me realize my full potential.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?
My mother, whose caregiver I was for five years, passed away from cancer and Alzheimer’s at 64 in January 2025. The last months of her life, she was bedridden, unable to speak or care for herself. Sitting by her bedside, seeing her suffer and wishing for her to let go while feeling unconditional love for her was one of the hardest things I ever did. I was often torn between wanting her to die because the little life she had left was too painful and the fear of losing her.
Losing her will possibly remain my biggest loss and my biggest gift. Caring for her until her very last breath taught me to really live the program of AA. I was allowed to be of service in the most intimate, human way.
What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?
I am present for every moment of my life now. I have grown so resilient. I now have a deep trust in myself, knowing that whatever happens in my life, I will get through it. I am getting to know myself better every day. Having received the correct diagnosis of autism and ADHD after years of incorrect diagnoses allows me to tailor a life suited to my needs.
I am starting self-employment now, building healthy relationships, and working towards my dreams. I have written another novel since I got sober and started two podcasts. When I was drinking, I was scared that I wouldn’t be creative anymore, but the opposite happened. I finally gave my creativity a structure, and I’m writing and creating more than ever before.
What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?
You’re in for the biggest adventure of your life. Sobriety is everything but boring. When I got sober, I was scared that I wouldn’t have fun anymore. That fear was unnecessary. I have since lived abroad, written a book, started doing martial arts and yoga, and am currently traveling in India, Nepal, and Sri Lanka for nine months. I also have a lot of fun, even though it’s different from the fun I had before. The rollercoaster has come to a halt, the tops and valleys aren’t as extreme, but I have come to know real joy, real surrender, real love. I have never felt more alive.
Also, put in the footwork. If you’re in a 12-Step program, work the steps. Find a good sponsor. Find the meetings that suit you. Don’t listen to everyone—your journey is your journey. But listen to those who have what you want. Don’t listen to yourself too much in the beginning either. Your mind will try to lure you back into addiction, because that is what it knows. Get into service. Start sponsoring once you’ve worked the steps. Sponsoring forces you to revise your own program every day and holds you accountable.
Explore spirituality, if you like. AA has everything a good spiritual program needs, but there is so much more to discover. Get a hobby, something you are passionate about. We addicts have a lot of dedication—we’re often really good at things because we easily get obsessed. Use that energy and put it into something you enjoy.
Most importantly, believe. Believe that it is possible to live a fulfilling, sober life for you too, because it is. But you have to show up for it every day. And then the most magical things will happen.
Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.
Thank you for sharing, Theresa! We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.
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