My Sobriety Story with Vince

“I never knew what it was like to get to the other side of anything without drinking over it.”

This series showcases personal stories of addiction recovery and sobriety. Today’s edition features Vince Puzick. Over the course of his 42 years of sobriety, Vince has been an English teacher, a fly fishing guide, a single father, a husband, and a stepfather. He believes in the power of storytelling to deepen our understanding of our own lives and those around us, where true connection lives. In his memoir, In the Middle of Things, he explores family, father-son relationships, recovery, and the journey toward forgiveness.

When and how did you get sober?

Early in the morning of November 17, at 1:30 a.m., drunk again, staying in the Cardinal Hotel in downtown Palo Alto on borrowed money, I wrote on a yellow legal pad: “You used to drink because of your complexion, because Dad left, and because of low self-esteem. What the fuck do you drink for now? Habit?” And I went to my first meeting at 7:00 that night. I haven’t found it necessary to drink since then.

I changed my sobriety date to 02/02/1984 after talking with some friends who “reminded” me that they had heard my story and that I smoked pot between November 17, 1983, and January of 1984. For me, it became quite liberating to have a clean and sober date.

What was the turning point in your decision to get sober?

I suppose it was more like turning points, plural. Over the years, I had small glimmers of insight that my drinking was neither “normal” nor healthy: a blackout drinker since I was 16, grocery money spent on weed and alcohol while in college, living a life so narrowly devoted to getting drunk and high that I was missing out on so much. From the time I was 16 until I was 26, I was plagued with remorse and regret about my drinking and who I became when I drank. I had turning points, little seeds planted along the way, quiet whispers of intuition that I could no longer ignore or silence or avoid acting on.

But maybe the turning point was in the autumn of 1983. I had “failed” at living in NYC while working as a paralegal for a law firm that had offices there and in Palo Alto, CA. I was on a Greyhound bus from NYC to Colorado Springs, to my mother’s apartment. On that 48-hour bus ride from NYC to my hometown, I was emotionally, spiritually, and financially bankrupt, as well as mentally exhausted. I was drunk and stoned the entire ride. I was completely demoralized. And I literally (and egotistically?) thought to myself, “How did a nice guy like you get to a place like this?”

What surprised you about getting sober?

When I first got sober, I was amazed at the range of human emotions. I had numbed myself for so long that I truly didn’t experience much beyond fear and depression. Hook my emotions up to some sort of electrocardiogram, and I was basically flatlining. Remove the drugs and alcohol, and I began to feel again. First, I relearned what it was like to experience loneliness (despite the fellowship of recovery), confusion, and, yes, anger. Now, though, it was without resorting to drink to manage those emotions.

I began to develop those deep friendships that I denied I even needed—the friendships that happen when you show up honestly, authentically, willing to both talk and listen. I felt a renewed joy, happiness, and pride in my work, and found the beauty again in experiencing nature (backpacking trips, deep-sea fishing, skiing), art (the Whitney in NYC, the Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center, the de Young in San Francisco), theater, and literature—all without needing to drink. After a few years of sobriety, I had new inspiration and energy in pursuing my own creativity, particularly in writing.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve encountered on your alcohol-free journey?

So, this whole thing about not being numb and experiencing the full range of human emotion? It’s sort of a double-edged sword. I had to learn healthier ways to accept and move through emotional states. I never knew what it was like to get to the other side of anything without drinking over it. Breakup? Let’s drink. Poor results on an exam? Fire up the bong. A+ on an exam? Open the wine! Resentment at my dad? Pour me another.

I had to learn to “pause when agitated” or, as Viktor Frankl put it, to create more space between the stimulus and the response. Living life on life’s terms does not mean that I’m a victim. I may be powerless over the stimulus, but I have a choice today in how I respond. I think that continually moving to and living in a space of acceptance of people, situations, and emotions is the ongoing challenge of recovery.

What are the biggest benefits or gifts of sobriety?

Oh man. Where to begin and how much space do I have? When I was three years sober, I was a graduate student in Stanford’s Teacher Education Program. If I had been drinking, I never would have even applied to the program. My low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and fear of failure would have silenced that ambition. Completing that program set me on course for a 34-year career in education. I showed up for my students—community college, four-year university, high school—in authentic, honest, and sober ways. I was able to be present in my mother’s life, sober, for ten years before she passed. I was able, and continue to be able, to be present in my daughter’s life; she has never seen me drunk or stoned. I was able, at 40 years in recovery, to be my sister’s caregiver when she entered home hospice.

The biggest gift? Being present. Not always perfectly. Not 100% consistently. But I get to show up today, flaws and all, in the lives of my wife, daughter, stepdaughters, friends, and people in recovery. And I should add that means making amends to them when I have been wrong. What a gift.

What words of advice would you give someone who’s considering sobriety or newly sober?

For those considering sobriety, I would say listen to whatever that voice is, that inclination, that whisper nudging you toward getting sober. In my life, that tiniest inclination was actually a moment of clarity speaking to me. Honor it.

For those who are newly sober, hone your skills in using the tools that helped you get sober in the first place. Those same tools of getting sober will keep you sober. In some ways, the tools do not change. We do! Deepen and develop the use of them as you grow. For me, meditation, journaling, eating better and exercising, yoga, and talking with others in recovery (so I don’t feel isolated and they feel supported) are the tools. Hone those skills. Become a craftsperson in creating your own sober life.

Please say hello in the comments, and consider sharing your sobriety story.

Thank you for sharing, Vince. We look forward to connecting with you in the comments.