Physical, emotional, and spiritual strategies that made the difference
Towards the end of my drinking, I was putting together two and three months of sobriety at a time. And I was reaping the benefits of my work: I wasn’t hungover, my face was less puffy, I was feeling—dare I say it—closer to comfortable in my skin.
My central nervous system was settling. I was building trust with myself. I actually could just keep driving past the liquor store. I could go to a restaurant and not feel stressed about ordering a Diet Coke. I could get through Friday nights. I could get through Saturday days. I could get through the Sunday scaries. I could come home from work and crack a seltzer water.
And then an unusual circumstance would present itself. I would have a chance to travel to another city or state, without my children (I was recently separated). For work, for family, for fun.
As I planned for these trips, I had in mind that I would stay sober. I even traveled to California from North Carolina, all the way across the country—my first sober trip through the airport—and announced to my aunt upon my arrival that I would not be drinking. But when I arrived at their house and saw the enormous, shiny bottle of Grey Goose, I drank. I told my coworkers I would not be drinking, but when we got into the car and they took nips of Bootlegger’s in the front seat to kick off our road trip, I said, “Can I have a sip?” and I was off to the races.
At the end of the day, it’s possible that I was just not ready to be sober then, and that I needed those experiences. In fact, I trust that is the case, simply because it happened that way.
But if I could reach back in time, and if I could convince Kristen then that she oughtn’t drink on those trips, this is what I would say to her:
I would come up with strategies in a three-tier plan. Kind of the same way I believe we heal from alcoholism: physical, emotional, and spiritual.
Physical
I would make sure that you have lots of other kinds of drinks—whatever seltzer or mocktails or other things you love. I would make sure you have snacks, snacks, more snacks, and all the food and comforts you need to ensure your physical needs are met. Make sure you have enough food and water and sleep (thinking of the acronym HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired).
Do you have a favorite comfortable hoodie? A pillow? A blanket, even? There’s nothing wrong with seeing to your own physical comfort within your body. Be sure to bring chapstick, lotion, comfortable socks. Think about a moment of nervousness and ask yourself what would bring the most comfort.
Emotional
Make sure that you have someone you can call or text if you are just not feeling very good—not even necessarily on the verge of taking a drink, but simply to check in with someone. Just to have someone bear witness to what you are experiencing.
Also make a list of things that make you feel refreshed—maybe taking a really nice bath or shower, or doing something like that. That way, if you feel frazzled, you’ll know what you can do and you won’t have to think about it.
That brief moment between the impulse—God, a drink would make me feel better, fuck it—and Okay, that’s right, taking a drink does not align with my goals and values is where this list helps. The list will support you when your brain is literally being hijacked.
It may be lying down and listening to a meditation—but choose the meditation in advance (my very favorite is “Learning to Surrender” by Sarah Blondin).
Compile a list of things like that. The key is that it has to be written down and easily accessible—you need something for easy reference.
Spiritual
Make a list of your why. Ask whatever force is out there to remind you to reference this list.
I have heard it said that it is our work in sobriety to exercise constant vigilance of our spiritual condition. But if times get really tough, you can ask the universe for strength, or say whatever kind of prayer resonates with you.
Make a list of your why. Why are you walking this path? My why included: my children, honoring my body and my life, because I deserve love and respect, because I don’t like the actions I take when I have been drinking.
Ask to be reminded of why you are walking this path in the first place.
The most important part of monitoring your “spiritual condition” is recognizing when you’re on shaking ground before the ground drops out beneath you.
A huge part of sobriety for me was recognizing that choosing not to drink is the most loving thing I can do for myself.
So maybe have a mantra in mind, like I choose not to drink today because I value myself. Or make a list of your reasons why.
I will not drink today, or any other day, no matter where I travel or with or without whom, because I believe not drinking is the most radical act of self-love I can take today.
We invite you to share.
Was travel ever a weak spot for you? What made the difference—and what helps you stay sober when you’re away from home?
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Kristen Crocker is a mother, stepmother, and advocate for normalizing the discussion of alcoholism among strong, smart women. She earned her MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Idaho in 2013, and now makes a living selling tree work. Kristen writes about sobriety and parenting in her newsletter: Recoverettes.
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