Is It Okay to Date My AA Sponsor?

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Sponsored

In AA, a sponsor is someone who also has an alcohol or substance use disorder, has experience in working a 12 step program and wants to help a newcomer in their recovery journey. They are a kind of role model that offers support and encouragement, models sober living behavior, answers questions and encourages accountability. One role a sponsor should never take on is that of being their sponsee’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

Dating and Recovery in AA

Dating while in AA isn’t forbidden, but it is frowned upon.  Sobriety takes a lot of work and focus. This should be a time when you address past traumas and evaluate how they have impacted your addiction, learn healthy new coping skills and rebuild your sense of self. Dating can cause added stress that can detract from being fully invested in your recovery.  It is recommended that you take at least one year to work on your sobriety before embarking on any new relationships.

Why Can’t I Date My Sponsor?

There are many reasons why it is problematic and even unsafe to consider dating one’s sponsor in AA.

• It changes the dynamics of the relationship. When it goes from being one of support and guidance to something romantic, the ability to remain focused on recovery and accountability becomes difficult.   The ability to give unbiased, honest feedback as a sponsor may be jeopardized. When the focus is shifted from recovery to “love”, the risk of relapse increases.
• It can create an environment where someone can be taken advantage of.  Most people who are experiencing an alcohol or substance use disorder have developed maladaptive behaviors that could lead to co dependency.  Co dependency is a behavioral pattern where one person becomes emotionally or psychologically dependent on another. A person in early recovery is still learning new and healthy coping skills and ways to manage their stress and triggers. Being in a relationship too early can curtail progress.
• AA isn’t designed to help people find romance; the point of the program is to help members stop abusing alcohol and create a better, safer life for themselves.

A sponsor should always refrain from developing a romantic relationship with the person they are sponsoring. If at any time the line between having a sponsor/sponsee relationship is crossed, or even if it becomes a possibility, the relationship should end. This includes the sponsorship. Recovery should be the number one focus when working a 12 step program. If you have more questions about AA or want to find treatment, call 800-948-8417 Sponsored .

5 Ways to Meet People in AA

On the surface, it seems easy. You walk into the room. Stand at the podium. Introduce yourself. “Hi. My name’s Molly. And I’m an alcoholic.” Everyone responds, “Hi, Molly,” and suddenly you’ve got a room full of friends. In reality, meeting people in AA isn’t nearly that easy. At least, it doesn’t seem like it to the new person showing up for the first time at an AA meeting. To him, it seems like everybody’s known everybody for years, and it’s intimidating. But that’s not the case. Regular AA meeting goers see people come and go all the time, and…