What Does It Mean to Make Amends?

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Preparing to Make Amends

The 8th step in AA involves making amends. According to Alcoholics Anonymous, the 8th step is, “made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

This step involves several actions, including:

Evaluating past behaviors
Determining how those behaviors affected the people around you
Making a list of all of the people who were hurt by those behaviors
Determining exactly how those people were hurt by your behaviors
Deciding what actions would best make amends for those people, and categorizing them accordingly.

It is important to understand that a simple apology may not be enough to undo the damage you have done. Some people might not be ready to meet with you quite yet, and that’s OK. It helps to make a more concrete and serious effort to express that you know what wrongs you have done. Make sure the other party knows that you’re working toward change and want to make things right.

Different Types of Amends

Reconnecting with loved ones is part of making amends.

After preparing to make amends, the next step is to actively make those amends. This is where AA Step 9 comes in. Alcoholics Anonymous states that the 9th step is “made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

There are many different ways to make amends, including:

Financially, such as paying back money that was borrowed or stolen,
Directly, such as replacing items that were stolen or damaged,
Emotionally, like reestablishing relationships with friends or family, and
Indirectly, like admitting faults to co-workers, and trying to live well and provide a good example.

One of the most important things to remember is that not everyone will accept your attempts to make amends. Also, you should never attempt to make amends where doing so is likely to cause further harm. One example might be making direct amends to someone you injured in a drunk driving accident. Instead, consider becoming an organ donor or donating to charities that support victims of drunk drivers.

How It Helps

The point of making amends is to acknowledge the harm that your addiction has caused and put it in the past. This way, you can move forward with your recovery and face the future without staying stuck in a cycle of worry about your past actions.

Any 12-step sponsor will tell you that it is easy to get bogged down in the 8th and 9th steps. Remember that you can only do your best to make the appropriate amends to the people you have wronged. Their acceptance or forgiveness is desired, but not necessary. Only your forgiveness for yourself is essential for you to continue your recovery.

For more information on joining a 12-step recovery program, call us at 800-948-8417 Sponsored . We’re here to help.