Step 8 of AA: Make a List of Those You’ve Harmed, Guide + Worksheet

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When the past feels heavy, it’s often the people we’ve hurt who weigh most on our hearts. Step 8 of AA is about facing that truth with honesty.

You take action steps to make a list of those harmed by your drinking and become willing to set things right. This step prepares you to build and heal relationships as part of lasting recovery.

What is Step 8 in AA?

Step 8 in Alcoholics Anonymous is written as “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” Step 8 is found in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book titled on pages 76 through 82.

The Chapter begins discussing how in Step 4, a “searching and fearless moral inventory” was conducted demonstrating the willingness to take a look at our personal shortcomings. 

Step 8 then carries that inventory through to examine how our behavior has injured other people while we were consumed by our addiction.

Step 8 is a transitional exercise leading action taken in Step 9, making amends where we are able. In some cases relationships can be repaired, and in others we choose restraint when making amends could cause more damage. In Step 8, you make a list, and in Step 9 you make amends. 

Download this Free Step 8 Worksheet to organize your list and prepare for making amends. 

The Principles of Step 8 – Willingness & Accountability

There are two parts to Step 8. The first is making a list of the people you harmed with your drinking, and the second is becoming willing to make amends.

During this step your sponsor/sponsee relationship is essential to your success. It provides peer support and accountability to complete the step. 

The easy part is making the list and the hard part is being willing to make amends to people. The key process of Step 8 is removing self-centered thinking and learning humility, which is a foundational character quality necessary for long term recovery. 

The key principles of Step 8 are built upon the first 7 Steps where we became “willing to go to any lengths for victory.”

Step 8 of AA is a difficult step for several reasons:

• You must relinquish resentments, personal hurts and fears
• You step toward repairing the wreckage caused by addiction
• You become more spiritually aware and renewed

Making a list of those we have harmed is an exercise in becoming a giver instead of a taker. The Big Book cautions against approaching someone we have harmed to make ourselves feel better about our past. The focus should be on the other person.

Honesty is an essential part of Step 8 because we must confront how our behavior has affected other people. Accepting our mistakes have harmed others and becoming willing to make amends is an essential part of healing. Using this worksheet will help you make your list. 

This exercise is best supported when done with your sponsor. Having worked through Step 4 with you, your sponsor can hold you accountable for making a complete list. It takes courage to admit we have hurt other people especially if they have hurt us. 

Making the list does not guarantee you are ready to take action in Step 9. That’s why developing a willingness to make these amends can be the hardest part of the process.

Working through AA Step 8 with your sponsor helps you define the initial people with whom you must make amends and who should probably not address.

How to Work Step 8 of AA

Working Step 8 of AA focuses on willingness and building the courage to face past actions with humility and a genuine desire to repair relationships. 

Start with the Step 4 Moral Inventory

In Step 4, we took an inventory of our faults and shortcomings, the damages done in addiction, and how we have created chaos in our lives. Step 4 is a launching point for continued work in Steps 8 and 9. 

We make a list of those people whose relationships we have damaged that can bring healing to the guilt we feel. Being able to see the hope of new beginnings on paper is a launching point for long term recovery.

Write Down Everyone You Have Harmed

People often wonder if they can remember everyone because of the stupor of addiction. As the mind clears, we will remember what we can, and others will remind us by their resentments toward us.

They have a right to be angry and hurt. But our resentments are not to be factored into the list. This is not about us. This is why most people work the steps several times in their lives. Returning to the Steps frequently may bring up new needs for healing.

Get Specific

The benefits of working with a sponsor come to fruition here as we take our moral inventory in Step 4 and extrapolate specifics to this list.

Getting specific is necessary because being ambiguous only makes the amends insincere and ineffective. 

Check Willingness and Necessity

We may not be ready to make amends to some people yet. That’s ok. We often continue to work these steps throughout our recovery journey. Sometimes after having had success in other cases, we may take a risk we fear the most. 

Be prepared for the rejection, anger, hurt and reactions of dismissiveness from others. They have seen it before, they may not trust us yet. That’s ok too. We have our entire lives to demonstrate our sincerity. 

Step 8 Worksheet

This Step 8 worksheet guides us through the process of listing those harmed and preparing to make amends. It pairs well with the Step 6 and Step 7 worksheets, helping us move smoothly through the middle steps of recovery.

Here’s a quick preview of the sections:

• List of persons harmed
• Type of harm caused
• Willingness checklist (ready, later, maybe never)
• Reflections on resentment & forgiveness
• Preparing for Step 9 conversations

Download your Free Step 8 Worksheet

Examples of Harms that May Belong on Your Step 8 List

It can be difficult to recognize all the ways your actions may have hurt others. These examples highlight different types of harm, such as emotional, financial, and relational that can help you create a more honest and complete list.

• Emotional: Examples include lying, verbal abuse, creating a lack of trust, and blaming someone else for our behavior. 
• Physical: Domestic violence, getting in fights with others, engaging in high risk behaviors, damage done to the body by use.
• Financial: Stealing from family and friends, spending into debt, losing savings, homelessness due to use.
• Social: Avoiding family gatherings, abandoning spouses and children, breaking up families through infidelity, being antisocial or being embarrassing while using. 
• Self-harm: Cutting and branding, damage to health through excessive use, losing jobs and being unable to care for self or be independent of specialized care.

Direct Amends vs Indirect Amends vs Living Amends

Making amends can take different forms, depending on what brings healing without causing more harm.

In AA, these may include direct amends through personal apologies, indirect amends when direct contact isn’t possible, and living amends by changing your behavior moving forward.

• Direct Amends: Direct amends is direct action to repair damage we have created with personal interaction with the person.
  • It is important that we do not ask for forgiveness because this is not about us gaining something through the process.
  • Amends is about being aware of our behavior and how it has injured the other person. 

It is important that we do not argue or criticize. If they reject our attempt at making amends, then we allow them their own process, making their response their responsibility.

Sometimes amends involve repaying a debt or repairing physical damage to property. 

• Indirect Amends: You must use indirect amends when we can not meet a person face to face because they have died, moved away, or they refuse to meet with us.
  • We may also use this approach when direct amends would cause harm to a person.
  • Honesty is important, but not always necessary. Working with a sponsor, we can develop creative ways of performing indirect amends.
  • Some write a letter and then burn it. Some donate to a charitable fund in the name of that person.
  • Others perform charitable works of service. 
• Living Amends: A changed lifestyle may become amends.
  • This is when we start showing up for our family and friends in ways we were not able to do while in our addiction.
  • It may show in the ability to hold a job and pay our own bills. Living amends is the evidence of a recovered life and continues throughout recovery. 

Step 8 in the Big Book of AA and NA’s Step 8

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous provided the foundation for Narcotics Anonymous to formulate their program.

The Steps are similar and read the same with the intention of helping us recover from substances of all kinds. Step 8 in AA and in NA read the same “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” 

Common Challenges With Step 8 

When we have injured other people, a host of emotional baggage drags us into avoidance.

These emotions can include:

• Fear of rejection or retaliation
• Shame in believing we are just born losers
• Guilt of performance of the injury
• Anger of how the other person treated us in our disease 
• Sadness that we had hurt someone important to us 

These emotions are recognized and used to our advantage when we understand the essence of amends is to take responsibility for our feelings and behavior.

If people have died, moved away or no longer want anything to do with us, making direct amends impossible, living amends and indirect amends are used. 

The key to Step 8 is the willingness to try to make efforts to make amends. Making the list and including those you are never going to see or talk to again becomes essential to personal healing.

The letting go of guilt and shame becomes the healing portion of the Step 8 and Step 9 process.

Myths & Misconceptions About Step 8

Whatever lies we have told ourselves over the years to protect our addictive behaviors are confronted through the peer process with our sponsor and other members of our recovery group.

These lies and myths are not uncommon in early recovery and sometimes need to be directly confronted. This is why sponsor work is imperative.

Some common misconceptions and myths include: 

• “Alcoholism only harmed me” 
• “Amends wont help me”
• “I should only list people I’m ready to face”
• “I can be in recovery without making amends to anyone”
• “I don’t need to tell people about my addiction and recovery”

Step 8 Prayers & Reflections

The Serenity Prayer is the most familiar and commonly used prayer in the AA program: 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

There are published prayers for many of the steps and the 8th step prayer generally asks for help in making the list and changing the heart to a place of willingness.

“Higher power, please guide me in making the list of those I have harmed and create in me a willing heart to make amends where I can, wisdom to make living amends where I can not otherwise.” 

Preparing for Step 9 – The Next Step

Many in recovery have stated that Step 9 is the easy part. Step 8 is the hard part because becoming willing to make amends is emotional. Rushing into Step 9 is ill-advised as it is meant to be an intentional response to Step 8. 

Making amends doesn’t have to be done immediately and we can wait until we are ready. We may be ready to make amends to some, but need to wait on others.

It is important to evaluate when amends are going to do harm and we may need to consider a living amends. However, living amends is not an excuse to avoid when a direct amends is needed. 

FAQ’s about Step 8 of AA

Explore All 12 Steps

For a full view of the AA program, explore each step below:

• Step 1 of AA: Powerlessness – admitting alcohol has control
• Step 2: Higher Power – finding belief in restoration
• Step 3: Surrender – turning will over to a Higher Power
• Step 4: Moral Inventory – fearless self-examination
• Step 5: Admitting Wrongs – honesty with self and others
• Step 6: Readiness – becoming ready for change
• Step 7: Humility – asking for shortcomings to be removed
• Step 9: Making Amends – direct action to repair harm
• Step 10: Daily Inventory – how to take a daily inventory
• Step 11: Prayer & Meditation – seeking spiritual growth
• Step 12: Service – carrying the message to others

Find Meetings & Professional Help

Step 8 can bring up difficult emotions, and we don’t have to navigate them alone. Attending AA meetings connects us with others who have walked the same path.

Professional help, such as counseling or therapy, can also provide support as we process guilt, resentment, or fear that may surface while making our list. 

Alcoholics Anonymous relies on peer support and professional help promotes sustainable recovery. Find meetings in your community or connect with professional treatment to develop tools and accountability to stay committed to lasting change. 

Ready to progress on your journey?

Download the Step 8 Worksheet and start your recovery journey today.

By Mary Jo Fleming

Medically Reviewed by Dr. Sylvie Stacy

Mary Jo Fleming, Ph.D. has been committed to the field of substance use recovery for over 20 years. She currently works as a consultant helping new treatment facilities open. She focuses her interests on expanding education on substance use and the delivery of services to underserved populations.

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Sylvie Stacy, MD, MPH, Medical Officer at Rehab.com, is a board-certified addiction medicine specialist with over a decade of experience treating individuals with addictions in diverse clinical settings including residential treatment programs, detox centers, outpatient clinics, and correctional facilities.

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