Step 9 of AA: Guide to Making Amends + Free Step 9 Worksheet

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Step 9 in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) instructs individuals participating in the organization’s 12 steps recovery program from alcoholism to make direct amends to the people harmed by their addictions. 

What is Step 9 in AA?

Making amends means trying to repair the damage a person has done to others due to their alcohol addiction. The idea is to make the past right, as alcoholism may cause interpersonal conflicts and can strain close and professional relationships.

When a person tries to sincerely rebuild what’s broken with other individuals by taking responsibility and restituting via direct action or, in some cases, with an apology, this accountability may help them grow as a person and remain sober.

If you are ready to take vigorous action to rectify past mistakes and make things right with those you love most, we are here to help.

With our Step 9 worksheet, you can plan your amends in minutes: download the Step 9 (AA) Worksheet here.

Step 8 vs. Step 9: How They Work Together

AA Steps 8 and 9 work together as a two-step sequential process that aims to repair personal relations affected by excessive drinking.

Step 8 drives a person to examine their past and list everyone whom they have harmed and become willing to make amends to everyone on the list.

Step 9 transforms willingness into concrete actions of restitution. These amends are not self-centered or just a way to relieve a person’s guilt. If they can cause harm to others, it’s best to leave the past behind.

AA Steps 8 and 9 are two sides of the same coin within the organization’s recovery programs. They reflect the group’s philosophy that alcoholism is an isolating condition that tends to fuel conflict.

Steps 8 and 9 follow a sequential order. 

Step 8

• List → Who and how the person was harmed (physically, mentally, emotionally)
  • Become willing → Making a decision
    • Prioritize → Implement safety considerations

Step 9

• Plan → Choose amends type
  • Proceed → When it’s safe
    • Review → Adjust or debrief with sponsor

These two AA steps can help a person develop skills to live in peace with family and community members, which may result in creating a purposeful life where alcohol does not have a place.

Direct Amends vs. Apologies (and “Living Amends”)

Step 9 is not a black or white approach to reinstitution. AA doesn’t push a unique flavor of amends, as human relationships are nuanced and not every harm can be corrected.

Here’s what making amends in recovery can look like in practice.

What is a Direct Amend?

A direct amend is the most involved form of correcting past harms. Ideally, it’s a face-to-face conversation where the person in recovery acknowledges how their conduct harmed the other person, apologizes and offers tangible ways to restitute for the pain caused.

This restitution may entail paying money that’s owed, dedicating time to rebuild a relationship or repairing property that was damaged.

Making Amends vs Apology

Ideally, vigorous action to correct past wrongdoings is the proper approach to step 9. 

An apology can be perceived as just words, and considering that a person who abuses alcohol may be considered untrustworthy, even a sincere apology may be necessary but not sufficient.

However, as amends are made on an individual basis, for some people from the past, a letter or phone call apologizing for the pain caused may be the only considerate way to make things right.

Living Amends in AA

Not everyone from the past can or should be sought. A parent may have passed or an estranged sibling may not want to hear from you.

Direct contact can injure another person if it reopens old wounds or disrupts their lives. In these cases, a behavioral change that gravitates toward serving others and leading a life of integrity can constitute a living amend, and it’s a valid approach.

When Not to Make Amends (Safety, Boundaries and ‘Except When…’)

Ideally, a person recovering from an alcohol use disorder would be able to mend every broken relationship. However, life does not work that way. 

Making amends to everyone you have harmed is a critical component of AA step 9, except when:

• Proceeding would injure yourself or others
• Disclosing details of the past would make others unhappy
• It would increase the risk of domestic violence 
• Doing so may reveal third-party secrets
• It can cause legal exposure for others
• It may result in triggering situations
• The other person has made clear they don’t want to see you

If making reparations can get you in legal trouble and confessing would put you in jail, rendering you unable to provide for your family, it’s best to seek input from sponsors, clinicians and partners before proceeding. 

Step 9 should not be approached dogmatically, acting like a martyr. Nor should you approach making amends in a thoughtless or reckless way.

There are gray areas when it comes to this process and you don’t want to cause additional harm to those who depend on you. Remember that keeping personal safety boundaries must always be prioritized.

Plan B options on how to make amends include:

• Living amends 
• Anonymous restitution
• Community service

How to Prepare for Step 9 (Plan, Script, Safeguards)

The prospect of reaching out to people to make amends can be overwhelming, especially when relationships are strained.

Here’s a practical guide on how to do Step 9 AA.

1. Categorize: Leveraging the list you made in step 8, classify contacts based on the type of amends you will act on (full/partial/paused/impossible). Put examples of the actions to take based on the harm inflicted.
2. Readiness checks: Evaluate your sobriety stability levels, talk to people who provide you with emotional support, check your attitude, forgive others if needed and arrange the logistics of the process.
3. Pick method: Are you going to deliver amends in person, via phone or letter? Will they require mediation, such as an attorney or HR support? Consult your sponsor and family before acting.
4. Role-play with sponsor: Prepare for receiving any response: positive, negative or none.

AA Amends Script

If you are asking yourself how can I make amends that sound genuine and are well received, it is important to remember you can only control what you say, not a person’s reaction. 

These micro-script templates, swapping in details based on the circumstances, are a good place to start.

• Owning harm: “I’m taking responsibility for [specific action]. I was wrong.”
• Restitution asks: “What can I do to make this right?”
• Boundary-aware: “I won’t contact you again unless you request it.”
• Living amends version when no contact: Make a personal commitment statement and sign it. Include the behaviors needed for fulfillment.

Step 9 Amends Examples 

Here’s an actionable list of realistic 9th step amends examples you can use as models.

• Money or property theft
  • Propose a repayment plan, look out for receipts or engage in anonymous payback if contacting the person is not the ideal choice.
• Lying and broken trust
  • Decide the disclosure scope. Revealing secrets that may cause pain isn’t always the best path to make amends. Words are cheap; rebuild trust via consistent behavior.
• Workplace issues 
  • Evaluate HR policies before deciding how you will proceed, including compliance with company and local laws. Consult with your sponsor and family and plan restitution without risky disclosures that may disrupt the lives of those you love or compromise your professional future.
• Family and parenting 
  • Clarify how you will act to repair consistency. Suggest the time investment you will allocate and boundaries on how you will treat others, placing co-parenting respect at the top of your priorities.
• Deceased, unreachable or unwise to contact 
  • Write letters asking for forgiveness, but never send them. Engage in community service and perform it as if you are doing it for someone you won’t contact. Make donations to causes that the person you harmed believed in.

Do and Don’ts in Step 9

• Do: be specific, concise, willing to listen, offer restitution and accept the outcome.
• Don’t: blame, minimize, demand forgiveness, over-disclose, push contact.

Step 9 Amends Worksheet (Printable + How to Use)

Based on our experience helping thousands of people recover from alcohol addiction, we designed a making amends worksheet you can use with a sponsor or clinician to streamline the process. 

Use the AA amends worksheet under professional guidance. Do not force contact, as you may end up causing additional harm.

Download the step 9 AA worksheet here.

Timeline: How Long Does Step 9 Take?

So, how long will Step 9 take? Alcohol recovery programs don’t have a fixed timeline. Each person’s circumstances are unique.

It’s important to approach Step 9 AA with a coachable attitude. Let your sponsor and clinicians guide you on the next safe step to take. 

Pace your desire to make things right with how prepared you are to deal with past conflicts with a positive outlook. Always keep safety and feasibility present. Don’t rush through the step with urgency, yet don’t avoid making amends.

Revisit the list you made in Step 8 and always remember that step 9 often unfolds in phases as you advance in your recovery journey.

The 9th Step Promises (What Many People Experience)

Making things right with the past by restituting individuals you have hurt can generate some internal positive changes that are often described as Step 9 promises. These include:

• An increase in hope and courage
• More serenity 
• Freedom from fear and shame
• A sense of usefulness
• Feelings of generosity
• Growth in happiness and self-esteem
• Less regrets about the past

These promises describe common experiences that individuals in recovery have. But they’re not guaranteed, as healing paths are unique. When the promises do manifest, they emerge from consistent action across the steps.

Step 9 FAQs

Download the Step 9 Amends Worksheet here.

Common Myths & Misunderstandings (Debunked)

There are multiple myths and misconceptions about what Step 9 entails. Here are some of the most frequent.

Myth: “You must fully disclose every detail.” 

→ Reality: Avoiding new harm is a critical component of the AA make amends step. Step 9 is about making things right, not about revealing hurtful secrets or disclosing brutal truths about the past.

Myth: “Wait a year before big decisions.” 

→ Reality: There are no fixed timelines in recovery. Access professional counseling and proceed with guidance and safety precautions in place as you gain clarity. 

Myth: “Amends guarantees forgiveness.” 

→ Reality: You control your side only. Not every past action can be restituted. No one owes you forgiveness or even a conversation. Respect others’ decisions and responses.

Myth: “Living amends is a cop-out.” 

→ Reality: Not every person who’s been wronged should be contacted, as this may cause additional harm. Living amends can help transform a person and are often the safest, most honest path.

Risks, Boundaries, and Self-Care

Tips to keep you safe while respecting other people’s well-being include:

• Identify with your care team triggers that may emerge from emotionally intense conversations that could lead to relapse.
• During the whole amends process, call and meet regularly with your sponsor.
• Engage in self-care activities that may calm you so you can be more relaxed as you progress. Eat and sleep well, exercise, journal or meditate.

If a conversation goes badly, debrief with your sponsor, don’t retaliate. 

View step 9 as an exercise on patience, tolerance and goodwill toward other people. Don’t feel entitled to anyone’s forgiveness.

Reaffirm living amends when best, and adjust your plan when necessary to keep momentum going.

Examples of Step 9 Scripts (Short, Swappable)

Here are a few AA amends scripts you can use for restitutions in different areas of your life.

• Money owed: “I was wrong to borrow and not repay $. I can pay $/week starting __. Would that help?”
• Broken trust: “I lied about __. I was wrong. I’m rebuilding trust by __. Is there anything reasonable I can do now?”
• No-contact boundary: “I respect your boundary and won’t contact you again. I’m making living amends by __.”
• Workplace (policy-safe): “I mishandled __. I’m following policy __ and have completed __ to prevent it again.”

What Success Looks Like (and What It Doesn’t)

Success on AA Step 9 is more about following the process with a compassionate attitude than rebuilding every relationship affected by alcohol addiction.

Healthy outcomes of Step 9 include:

• Clarity about the harm caused
• Developing accountability for wrongdoings
• Learning how to nurture safer relationships
• Experiencing inner relief after doing what’s right for others
• Maintaining momentum

Outcomes that are not required for a successful amends experience include:

• Reconciliation 
• Friendship 
• Forgiveness 
• Immediate trust
• Perfect restitution

Keep yourself grounded in what matters by measuring what you can control, such as: compassionate honesty toward others, restitution when it’s possible and consistent changed behavior.

Where to Find Support

Recovery from alcohol addiction is possible.

AA has helped thousands of individuals like you start again. Here is an AA meeting finder to access local help.

There are other AA alternatives you can consider to get and remain sober.

• SMART Recovery: Provides support groups that offer encouragement, accountability and skills for recovery.
• Refuge Recovery: Offers practices, peer support and tools that may promote sobriety.
• Professional help: Individual and group therapy can be effective for identifying root causes of alcohol abuse and developing coping skills. 
• Medical treatment, including detox, may be necessary if alcohol use is active to reduce withdrawal complications and mitigate the risk of relapse.

If you are seeking options to heal, you can call or chat to access empathetic assistance, verify insurance coverage for treatment options and find a meeting near you.

Links to All AA Steps

• AA Step 1
• AA Step 2
• AA Step 3
• AA Step 4
• AA Step 5
• AA Step 6
• AA Step 8
• AA Step 9
• AA Step 10
• AA Step 11
• AA Step 12

Ready to progress on your journey?

Download the Step 9 Worksheet and start your recovery journey today.

By Serg Valencia

Medically Reviewed by Dr. Sylvie Stacy

Serg Valencia is a writer and Psychologist with 13 years of experience in the healthcare space. After a nine-year corporate career with Fortune 500 pharma brands, he now channels his firsthand experience to craft actionable medical content that helps people make informed health choices.

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Sylvie Stacy, MD, MPH, Medical Officer at Rehab.com, is a board-certified addiction medicine specialist with over a decade of experience treating individuals with addictions in diverse clinical settings including residential treatment programs, detox centers, outpatient clinics, and correctional facilities.

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